Now

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through my house, there was so much to do, I was starting to grouse. And grumble, and fuss, and panic and sigh heavily as I glanced at my ever-growing to do list. School performances, parties, orchestra concerts and basketball games in addition to the holiday hoopla of cookies to bake, teacher gifts to prepare and cards to send filled my planner and emptied my strength. And it needs to get done Now! To top it all off, the baby hadn’t received the memo of just how much I had to get done, and was refusing his afternoon nap.

The fourth time I tried to soothe him into sleep was as unsuccessful as the previous three attempts. In frustration I sat down in the rocking chair.  While my rocking and shushing sounded peaceful, my mind was anything but calm. “I have so much stuff to get done NOW,” I thought. “Fine, I can spare a few minutes to get him to sleep, then I’ll hurry and get back to work!” But as I cradled my infant son, who was finally beginning to nod off to sleep, I began to be soothed as well. Instead of rushing out of the room and getting back to my chores, I lingered. I’m not sure if it was the soft lighting and quiet snow drifting lazily outside, or the rhythmic rocking chair or the calm that only holding a sleeping baby can bring; but I put away the harried thoughts of ought-to and instead did what I needed to do. I stopped and held him. Several minutes went by, and the momentary guilt I felt about what I wasn’t accomplishing was immediately drowned out by the knowledge of what I was accomplishing. Instead I focused on the perfection of his nose as I listened to his soft little snores. My heart melted as his tiny toes twitched. I marveled at his precious little hands clasped tightly and securely around my neck. It was bliss!

This is the NOW that I truly needed because one overriding thought came into my mind… this won’t last. If I don’t make the perfect Christmas wreath, there’s always tomorrow, next week, or even next year. But next year, he’ll be different….older, more on the move, less snuggly. I could hear my older kids running around and happily playing. It reinforced the fact that pretty soon, he’ll be joining in their fun, and less likely to want or need to cuddle with mom. Which is as it should be, but experience has taught me that I’d better soak up these moments while they last. Now is all I’ve got.

Those projects were still there when I got back to them. However, rather than feeling stressed, as I resumed my work, I felt refreshed and filled up. I’m so thankful that I was allowed to see a perceived inconvenience for the blessing it really was.