December is upon us, and this weekend, as I added to my never-ending to-do list, I came upon a very well-intentioned advent photo contest. Not a contest really, but a project; to take a photo each day representing a different word or phrase. The purpose is to bring you more acutely in tune with the spirit of the season. I loved the idea of it, and the photographer in me thought, “I can totally do this!”

But today, as I sat down to go through my back catalog of pictures, I became dismayed. The photographer (and perfectionist) that I am was less than impressed with some of my previous attempts.

“Where are the great photos?!” I wondered. I should have some…somewhere. I don’t have that perfectly angled shot of Christmas lights, aglow with the candles in the background. Or even a funny one of the dog sporting fuzzy reindeer antlers and a put-upon expression! Nope. Most of mine are of blurry, slightly out-of-focus kids, furiously unwrapping presents. Or of groups of family members mid-conversation with a folding chair in the background instead of a cozy hearth. “Why haven’t I taken any better pictures? What was I doing?” I mentally berated myself.

It was when I stumbled across a picture of my older children, taken a few years ago, while they were very small, that I realized why I didn’t have that perfect picture and why it didn’t matter. In this series of photos, I was trying to (again) get that Hallmark worthy Christmas card shot. I remember kneeling on the floor, frantically waving my hands, saying, “Look over here!! Look at Mommy! Look at me!” and making an embarrassing cacophony of noises to keep their attention and catch their eyes. It didn’t work. The photos were mediocre at best and at the time I was disappointed. But that’s not what I saw today. Today I saw the looks in their eyes, mesmerized by a shiny ornament and excited about eating the candy canes when we were done. I saw their sweet little faces, all cute and round and small. They don’t look like that anymore. They’re still kids, but they’re growing up. 

All I see now are the precious moments frozen in time. Smiling faces, having a good time and surrounded by family and love and comfort. They’re not perfect, but they’re real. And I think I’ll take real over perfect everyday of the week and twice on Sundays.

I may still take part in the photography project. It’s a good idea. But my personal project is to be present, everyday this advent season. To step back, breathe, smile and take it all in. I will try to remember to enjoy the cookie baking, tree decorating, and even gift wrapping, rather than stressing out over making it perfect or capturing it on film.  To see instead through the lens of time, these moments that won’t come again.